You Only Ask Me to Follow....

Oh Goodness, once again it's been way too long since I've written. 

I've been in a funk and struggling with some things. 

Manny's back was getting better but now the pain has moved to his sciatica.

I'm starting to go into panic mode. 

I woke up this morning crying. 

In my sleep, I can escape the heartache of this life

waking up puts me back in reality.

I'm not depressed (I don't think), at least not in the clinical sense, 

but I do miss my mom and lately have been going over things I did

and didn't do, the past few years she was alive.

I hope she will forgive me for being so busy, and for not being more tender.

I know now, it just doesn't matter to her anymore because she's free of pain, 

and happy and whole, but there are a few conversations we had there near the end

when I was growing weary and allowed things to come out of my mouth that I wished I hadn't.

It wasn't curse words or anything like that, 

but the words were just as sharp, and just as hurtful to her, I'm sure!

Truth is, even though I have so much to be thankful for
 I've been having a pity party with myself lately, 

and allowing myself to go down the path of

"I should have done this or I should have said this"

and then I move onto my own life and grumble and start whining about our work load

and thinking - we are going to work until we die, 

and - I want to have more fun in life. 

Then I feel guilty because I think I'm not working my business hard enough 

or consistently enough, 

then I get upset with my husband who has been working more than usual and long days

so he's not letting his body heal  and he won't listen to me. 

And then, this song came on the radio this morning, 

and I knew it was for me!

Lord - help me to lay my dreams aside and Want What YOU Want for me!