Honesty

I've been struggling lately, with a lot of things. 

For one thing, this Weight Watchers thing isn't going so well. 

It's a wonderful program, and I did great the first two weeks

but since then, I'm having a real hard time staying on track. 

Tomorrow is weigh-in day - we shall see how much that reveals my mess-ups.

The other thing I'm struggling with, is my mom being gone. 

My mom lived right next door to our house in an apartment that connects by a breezeway. 

I have a hard time going in that apartment. Every time I do, I see her everywhere. 

I see her driving her scooter around in front of her computer and waiting for me to fix her breakfast.

She liked oatmeal. She would eat it practically every day.
I got tired of fixing it, but she never got tired of eating it. 

She would thank me, and tell me no one could fix it the way I did. 

She wasn't eating much the last year of her life, especially those last months. 

I should have enjoyed doing those things for her more than I did. 

I didn't want to have any regrets when she was gone, but to be honest - I have plenty. 

We are suppose to be fixing up her apartment. It needs new flooring and fresh paint, 

but I can't even go IN there, let alone think of transforming it in any way. 

Lately, I've been wishing I could hear an audible voice from God

My husband and I need some direction.

We own a business that is thriving, and we are very thankful

but the work load has become so great, we are having trouble keeping up. 

My husband is working long hours again, and weekends now 

because of a good account that requires weekend work. 

My husband has been a hard worker all our married life. 

For this, too, I am thankful, but there has to be more to life than work, work, and more work. 

I don't know what the answer is. I wish we knew where to get some council or good advice. 

Ultimately, it's a decision we will have to make. 

We have thought of selling our home, but they say you should not make any major decisions 

for about a year after a loved one dies, so I'm trying to hang on, 

but I fear that we will work until we die. 

My husband and I have noticed this past year, that despite our efforts to stay young

our bodies are changing, we are, in fact, getting older.

We don't have the energy we use to. It's getting harder to run up the stairs. 

I hear of people dying all around us and there are things we want to do while we still can. 

Sometimes I wish we were brave enough to make a change and go after our dreams. 

We have always done things the safe way, I want to be brave, but I also want to be in God's will. 

It's hard being so open about these things, but I feel if I keep them inside I'll explode. 

I don't want to explode, and I'm not quite ready to die, 

although the other side is looking sweeter all the time!

Lord, please give us direction...

and help me not to be too depressed tomorrow when I get on that scale.