A Dreary Depressing Day

Didn't sleep much last night and woke up to a very dreary day.
it's been raining on and off all day 

and I've not seen the sun come out at all!

The house is so quiet, and everywhere I look I can see Milli. 

Her bowls, the spot where her bed use to be. 

I haven't had to feed her or take her out a dozen times,

or listen to her cough or snort, 

or watch her stand in the corner staring at nothing, 

or fall asleep standing up

and so my day has seemed quite empty.


This was Milli yesterday as she tried to eat

and this was her sleeping as she did most of the day

She just seemed so weak and frail and it strengthened me even more to make my decision

A movie came out 13 years ago called "My Dog Skip"

it was suppose to be a wonderful family movie, and so we went to see it. 

IT WAS SAD! 

The boy goes off to college and the dog dies of old age. 

I cried for a week after watching that movie. 

I thought of Milli and how I would ever endure her being gone. 

Since watching that movie all those many years ago...

any time the thought of her being gone would even cross my mind 

I would cry, and wonder how I could ever bare losing her.

Well, God in is infinite wisdom and mercy came up with a plan,

He allowed Milli to change, a little at a time.

First her arthritis kept her from going upstairs and looking for me out the window.

Then she went deaf but somehow when I'd open the door

and she caught my scent she'd greet me at the door

but that eventually stopped, too, and I'd have to go looking for her when I came home.

He caused her to have such issues that 

we eventually moved her out of our bedroom at night

because her restlessness kept us up all night. 

This has been going on for months. 

Little by little, God has created a separation between her and me

of what use to be our normal routine. 

Caring for her became so weary for me, 

I was forced to let go

little by little. 

God knew if I would have had to do it all at once, 

I could never bare it. 

God is merciful and He does care. 

I know in time the pain will lessen, but I will never stop thinking about My Milli

and nothing or no one else will ever take her place.