Goodbye Sweet Milli

Today I made one of the hardest decisions I have ever made...

I helped Milli go to Heaven. 

I can't tell you how much I have dreaded this day, 

and I've put if off probably longer than I should have.

Ever since she lost her hearing she's been different

and she's just gone down hill since then. 

She had dementia real bad, and that's been getting worse too. 

I think maybe she tried to say goodbye, a year ago February

she went almost a week without eating. 

She had ALWAYS had a wonderful appetite 

and I just couldn't believe she wasn't eating. 

I think maybe she was ready then, 

but oh no, I wouldn't hear of it - because I wasn't ready.
I found this liquid stuff, kind of like Pedialyte but for dogs

I started giving it to her with an eyedropper and before I knew it

she was eating again. She bounced back. 

But she's never really been the same.
I've told her many times she was not allowed to die. 

She believed me.

And even though she was definitely an "Alpha" dog

she loved me and she knew I needed her, so she stayed. 

Let me tell you why I'm going to miss her:

She was always, ALWAYS there for me!

When my husband was off working...she was there.

When my kids left home to start a life of their own...she was there.

She filled such a tremendous void when my boys left home

I can't even tell you.

When you build your world around your children 

and then one day they aren't there any more

there is a horrible void to be filled and she filled it!

She always gave me unconditional love. 

She was just happy for me to be there with her.

She was forgiving. 

She didn't have attitudes...EVER!

She would always greet me when I came home, with such enthusiasm. 

She would run up the stairs when she heard me pull in the driveway

and she would be looking out from the upstairs window. 
Then she would run back down the stairs
to greet me at the door. 

She hadn't done that in a long, long time, 
she hadn't even gone up the stairs since I can remember
but about a month ago she came up the stairs to where I was, working in my locket room.

I couldn't believe she had made it up the stairs, but she was trying to find me.

I called a friend of mine today, her name is Suzanne.

She owns a store in a nearby town called 

Benson's Canine Cookies

She's been a friend since about 5 1/2 years ago, 

when Milli got REAL sick and almost died. 

She encouraged me to feed Mili a more natural diet

and with her help, and another dear friend (also named Suzanne) 

who was Milli's vet at the time, Milli got better and better. 

Anyway, I called Suzanne today and she told me this, 

"Ask yourself if you are keeping her alive for her or for you"

and I knew the answer right away...it was for me. 

It was my selfishness keeping her here, 

that's why she was hanging on. 

That realization gave me the courage to do what was right -

right for Milli.

I made my husband go with me today.

He didn't want to, but he did. 

He cried and he never cries. 

And now it's pouring rain outside.

I hope that's not Milli crying from Heaven

but it can't be because there are no more tears in Heaven. 

I held her today and whispered to her to look for my sister.

I told her my sister would take good care of her;

and I told her to go play with Belle, and Dollie, and Holly.

Manny told her to go find his dad. 

Isn't it a beautiful thought that she might be in Heaven right now 

with all of them?

I asked her to please come to greet me when I get to Heaven

and I prayed to God above that it might be so, 

that our pets will be in Heaven waiting for us. 

I know I have my husband, and my children and my grandchildren, 

and my mother, and sister and the rest of my family

and I am so grateful for each and every one of them

but no one will ever be able to fill the place in my heart that Milli filled. 

She was My Milli Girl and I will miss her 

always and forever.